first love

2007-03-11T23:45:00.001+08:00

testing

2007-02-22T22:23:00.000+08:00

tml is the last paper. but i just cant find the ethusiasm to study at all. >.< ok, maybe not enthusiasm.. but at least the sense of urgency?! argh. i guess, its gonna be a sup paper. AHHH!!!

anyway, something to be happy today. at least i got some 'links' to junhao already. can track him down. but not tat easy. depends alot on jianyou's luck. in whether he can bump into junhao again. ha.

2007-02-20T21:19:00.000+08:00

these 2 weeks.. i've been having lots of dreams. weird one. all of people of my past. people that i used to be very closed with. i dont know why. all the dreams makes me miss the past. the past me. hah. i missed them alot. :(

2007-02-20T21:08:00.000+08:00

i miss the past. my childhood friends, the playgrounds, the running about and everything else. i miss the peeps. is the a way to find back lost contacts? isnt easy. i tried and failed. left with all the memories only.
getting the lost sheeps back on track is a tough job. am i willing to let go of all 99 sheeps to search for the 1 lost sheep? am i willing to spend the time? am i up to it? lotsa of ppl lost out there. but am i ready to run for the lord?
*beauty that made, this heart adore you.

2007-02-16T23:25:00.000+08:00

100 MCQ gone just like that!! ahaha. crazy guys. BEN!! brother finished it in 30 mins. gosh. TINGTING!! next one. lol. den one by one, all the guys come out. when eugene finish, i only at Q80++ la. still purposely drag the chair so long.. SHOW OFF. hah. but i not too slow also k! finish quite fast. but results. erm.. no eyes see. =x

1 week break before the stupid BIOlogy exam~ tml new year eve already. this yr, so no mood. cos exams. =(

*i wan eat pineapple tarts!!! >.<

2007-02-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

Mental Health paper is a goner. totally. ready for the sup paper man! hope the psychology paper is easier. 100 MCQs. seems alot yet mcq so i'm slacking. i got no motivation to study, giving excuses that it is, afterall a MCQ paper!!

Belated Valentine's Day to all. hah.

ks like the the pillow. afterall, its cute. LOL. well. i love him. =D

Jane&KahSeng

2007-02-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

officially broke with Mr Ong KahSeng. thou single, but unavaliable. cos he dint return my heart. we just broke up for the title sake. he's too tired of all the entity. so he needed that break. and i thought it's better that way too. felt better now. ready to strive hard for tml's paper. tml is Vday. got kahseng a moo moo cup and moo moo pillow. and friends forever card. ha ha. will pass them to him tml. hope he likes it. gonna go study now. *chiong ah!

2007-02-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

what's the point of saying i miss u. when u dint even bother. :( sigh. tml is the first paper. last paper would end on 23rd. only when exams end.. will i get to see my boyfriend. >.< hais.
not ready for exams. not ready to see them. not ready to shine. not ready to stand.

what can be done? what can be said? what more can be accomplished? it's totally... disappointing.

* so near, yet so far
* i love u.

2007-02-05T16:04:00.000+08:00

no school today! susposed to study whole day la. but aiyo. dint study. =x so boringgggg~
9 more days to exams. ahh~ so much e lectures to go thru. if only we dont have any exams at all!! >.<~

2007-02-02T22:45:00.000+08:00

I'M BACK. ok. i said that afew times already. this time. for good. will blog more often. =D

exams are coming. in just 1 wk more. thats not the problem.. the problem is, i dont feel the sense of urgency. well, maybe i do. but no actions taken. sigh.

really need to go BODY SHOP la. my nose is totally running away! it makes me feel fatigue and my head is still aching. oh, the toothache! argh. stupid wisdom tooth. causing so much discomfort! intend to see a doctor soon. really cant make it. =(
PS: jen darling, u faster recover too k? dont let ur nose run away..

today. speechless. what can i say? well, she's totally irritating. though i said i should be nicer to her. not so mean.. but argh. she totally piss me off at times. so irritating lah.

boyfriend went for class outing today. go the stone grill thing with his classmates. dint bring me along! cos i got night class. ha. but still, i'm upset with him cos today is our 9th MONTH. although we dont really celebrate monthly anniversaries but still..... yah~

nevertheless.. its still a photo taking day at school. so it dint totally spoil my day. haha. took lots of pictures. =D

tml bible study is cancelled. bro chris is down with gastritis. thought i could slp longer but i realised that i still gonna attend modern dance. haha. at least now daddy can fetch me cos ah ma staying in hospital for 1 more wk. not going home yet.

eh. thats bout all for today. i miss peiwen. =( i miss boyfriend alot. sigh.

2007-01-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

i am so bored. i'm here blogging cos otherwise ah jas wont tag my blog anymore! so mean. lala. *yawns.

today LOL service start at 4.30.. so weird la. not used to it. feel so sleepy during the whole service. aha. after service, i went home ALONE. so sad. ate claypot rice. got a feeling i will have a bad sorethroat soon. opps.

wells. nowadays.. things get soooo lazy! i no motivation to study lah! just feel like slacking and wasting my time away. sigh.

oh, I AM BROKE! so very broke. need to save lotsa money. and have to lose all the flabs!! so flabby everywhere. sigh. ok. tats all. will go maple now. =D

2007-01-15T22:34:00.000+08:00

nowadays.. days just pass so quickly. cant time slow down abit? i aint moving fast enough. sigh. school is just a mess! havent been revising at all. so much to do. and exams in less than a month time. :\

it isnt going well. its all weird. is it the right decision? sigh ~

tired physically and mentally. i want to have a good good rest.

2007-01-15T16:44:00.000+08:00

hey! hahaha. here to update~~ now .. hmm. just finished my ICA lah. still in the SHS lab. -.-' lala. just finish my exam. but yah. quite sian la. D only. sigh. but at least i dint fail. x= gtg. time's up. haha.

2007-01-03T23:52:00.000+08:00

hai. its all my fault. i shouldnt have tell him bout it. now, quarrel again. -.-' hai ~ i really dunno wad to say anymore. what happen to the happily ever after.. why does everything seems so different. why i feel that he doesnt put in any effort to care bout me. sigh. nvm.

anyway, today's teory test can make it ba. tml den chiong practical. sigh. hope i can get the mood to study. i really need to chiong. =( ICA still not done. next wk presentaion already.
i need more strengthh. =(

2007-01-02T17:14:00.000+08:00

arghh~ just cant concentrate! tml is the paper and i still dont seems to know anything! argh.

i hope he is fine. nothing much i can do expcept to pray bout it. gonna stand firm.. cant be foolish. hope i did the right thing. though worried whether will things turn out well, whether can he go on with everything and concentrate on studies. whether will he destroy his health and all. but i guess it isnt up to me anyway. i cant control anything. it's all in the control of our Father above. *keeping him in prayer.

done QT with phyllis over the phone today. very heavy QT la. 2 chapters. ha. but yah. good reminder..

Wisdom of the Day
1. Foolish = one who lacks of Spiritual Perception.
2. A Foolish Person rejects God's Existence but spend the rest of his life looking for something else to satisfy the need that only God can meet. =D
3. The fruits of the lip of Man (Words that we say) can either pierce like a sword, or bring healing. To be the Foolish or Wise, Decision is Up to You.

2007-01-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i feel so left out. its like i'm so outcast. so different from all my friends. cant complain.. i only have myself to blame. i gave everything up. i chose to go this path. i chose to be with him. sigh. coming to think, am i being foolish? is it worth to give up all the blessing, challenges frm god just for a relationship? is it really worth to give up serving? sigh. not much to think. i know the answer already. i know i shouldnt have. regretted, i did. but.. i chose it. i cant draw back from it. sigh ~

2007-01-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

eversince the christmas spirit ended.. like abit no life. its just all bout ton, chatting on the phone and mapleing. ha. these few days hadnt been sleeping well. just keep chatting. -.- getting more and more talkative. =D

as the break is ending, i feel more and more restless and stress! projects undone yet. wed school reopen ji tao Lab Theory Test le. tell me bout it! i dont even remember anything bout NG tube, Urinary Cath, Gastric Lavage blah blah. AHH! friday still got practical test. CANNOT FAIL AHH. sigh sigh.

*i promise to stay at home tml to study for the theory test.*

as the days get longer.. my heart gets heavier too. aint as sure as before. it just seems not right anymore. what can i say .. i dont even know what am i feeling now. just LOST ~ argh. just, cross fingers and pray it works out. sigh.

i hope it isnt me. i really hope it isnt. i really hate myself at times. why do i always get this nonsense! why am i always being so argh. i'm just beyond hope. i wanted it. i got it. yet i dont feel like what i'm susposed to. sucks. *stupid nurse! wake up man! argh. sigh. nvm. *bang wall~

Song of the Month - Genie_Zhuo_Wen_Xuan_&_Gary_Cao_Ge_-_Liang_Shan_Bo_Yu_Zhu_Li_Ye

2006-12-30T02:13:00.000+08:00

26 Dec

BOXING DAY ah.

jaslyn! -.-' sent me happy boxing day msg. so funny. am i susposed to wear BOXERS for today?! ahaha. okok.

EH I WAN SCOLD PPL. SAY WHAT GIRLS OUTING. WHAT BUY DRESS DAY?! HUH, JAS! CHOO! IVY! WHAT HAPPEN?!
why in the end only got me phyllis and alicia. EEEE. all liars. LOL.

okookkk. anyway. i spents lotsa money today. got 1 zebra top. 1 pregnant top. 1 mini act cute skirt. 1 pregnant sundress. hahaha. will wear the dress this sunday! =D took pics of all the stuffs we tried. haha. oh, i kidnap phyllis's camera home. hahaha. i forgot return her. bleah. =P

ATTN TO ALL GIRLS ; wear dress this sunday. wear pretty pretty. we take lotsa pictures k? =D

2006-12-30T02:12:00.000+08:00

24th Dec

dance performance.. was.. errs. horrible. haha. totally cocked up. unorganised. but its ok. cos its over. LOL. yeah.

neighbour came to church today. ok. his name is JASON. lol .. shall call him by his name instead of neighbour. hmm. actually nth much happen in church. exchanged lotsa presents here and there. signed up for next yr dance ministry. i signed up for both HipHop and Modern Dance. =D hope i will have fun fun fun. hees.

after that went to meet ks at TPY station. went suki sakura to eat. very full ah~ den we went sentosa. oh .. must say got who.. hmm. got me ks louis xiaohui zhiyong johnathan sam and xal. yea. den we go sentosa, bought absolute vodka den mixer den chat till 1+am. den vodka finish, buy another bottle. -.-' played alot of stupid games. ahaha. bout 3+am we cmi le. so i bought the left over vodka home. we called cab. ks got heartburn thru the journey home. =(
anyway, ks gave me a ring + necklace chain for christmas. i like the ring alot. very ME. love u dear. =D and thanks to all the present givers and card writers. =DD love u all tons!

25 Dec

went church for uncle billy's event. saw sarah and gang .. MISS THEM SO SO MUCH. ahh~ nvm nvm. next yr can see them le. hees.

my duty is to tear the tix. at the door there. so funny. very messy la. anyway, yeah. nth much for the day.

lalala~ blessed christmas!

2006-12-30T02:09:00.000+08:00

23rd Dec

ton on 22nd. chat with phyllis on the line till 7am.

chat bout almost everything in the world. exchanged alot of secrets! lol. most of the stuffs exchanged was confidential anyway. lol.

bathe den went down to lakeside to have happy meal breakfast. my hello kitty toy is with dear. gave it to her. she better take good care of it! =D den we head down to the park there. played all the way till bout 2pm. i'm the leader! ahha. same grp as jiamin wenhao father and zhiwei (sintat's friend). haha. after lunch at westmall pastamiania, we head down to the camp camp chalet place. very cosy lah~~ haha. free time till 5.30pm.

well. was quite emo ah. maybe due to lack to sleep. or maybe was thinking too much. anyway. yea. had a great time. reach home bout 11+pm. =D

2006-12-30T02:06:00.000+08:00

sigh. things are definately changing. its drying me up. someone fill me the passion to love again.

2006-12-23T00:44:00.000+08:00

AHHH!

mood = pekchek + anger + disappointment.

quarrel quarrel quarrel. always! irritating.
now u're saying i have a att problem.
i've nth to say.
very fucked up with this life of mine!
with all the fake smiles that hides all the tears.

really miss the slashing period. sigh.

2006-12-21T01:49:00.000+08:00

anyway, thanks for those who came today! =D great encouragement.

and and, thanks for your currypuffs power. i guess it did help. LOL~

2006-12-21T01:40:00.000+08:00

ahaha. CCIS day. eh. dont ask me how i fare cos i totally forgot bout it. i totally dont remember dancing thru. it's so fast and vague. i dont even know did i get all the steps correct.
lol. anyway, after tat i left with ks, ks's friend, chinhui, chin's friend, jiemei, casand. went back to wdls. den eat mac. hees. love my boyfriend! =D

2006-12-20T00:12:00.000+08:00

sigh. this is IT. tml IS the day. so scary and nervous. ahaha. must jiayou. hope tml lotsa of ppl will be touched by our peformance and that there'll be salvation! yeah. =D
anyway, there'll be quite a number coming tml.
chinhui will come with pompoms! haha. jiemei casand kahmun luyi and kahseng will come. jiayu izaati eugene roy will oso be there. not sure bout yvetter val jen and all. dint cfm with them. lotsa pending ppl like vonne, jeremy and all. hope they'll come too. =D
hope tml rain will stop for us! haha.

it's weird.
feeling real weird.
but no choice.
this cant go on. anymore.

2006-12-18T22:53:00.000+08:00

just too lil too late. christmas is coming. shopping not done yet. AHH!!

today went down to berven's dance studio. cool. haha. air con there very good. anyway. we cleaned up quite a bit. so yah. more confident now .. hopefully tml's rehearsal will be fine.

CCIS LIST.
1. jiemei
2. luyi
3. kahmun
4. casand
5. boyfriend
6. chinhui
7. eugene
8. jeremy
9. tengyao
10. izaati
11. jiayu
12. jennifer
13. val ?
14. yvette ?

to be cfm by tml.

mixed emotions.

2006-12-18T22:52:00.000+08:00

A friend reminder.. rem cover blanket or wear jacket when u slp..coz rain sure cold.. take care

2006-12-18T00:30:00.000+08:00

the song kept ringing in my mind.

where you go ~ i miss you so ~~

sigh. why am i so so bothered by that message...

what does it means.

2006-12-18T00:17:00.000+08:00

last cell group of the year! hah. david gave us JELLY BEANS! so sad la. i will miss living rock alot. i'm not sure if i can fit in the new cell group. with all the ppl that i dont really know.. i hope it will turn out fine.

she said no. he said yes. i dont know. sigh. i guess i trust her more than him. =(
anyway, it doesnt concerns me.. so i aint really bothered, i think......

after going to anchorpoint for dinner with dear. i went over to ikea to meet ks. he's with his dad. so scary. i dint dare to talk at all. sigh. i feel so awkard la. haiyo. anyway. his dad drove me home. damn. record leh. 10 mins from queensway to home. super duper fast.
anyway, first impression is a goner. shallnt dwell over it. haha.

i guess darling is angry with me. sigh. i dint meant to not call him back. but.. yah.. =( there's alot of things i wanna tell him.. but.. he just dont seems interested. simple things like, i got in the rain today. my shirt is all wet. i bought a slipper cos my shoe is flooded with rain. to plans like i intend to get braces..etc. but, i dont know. he just dont seems to let me have the talk with him. really upset. i guess he is upset but decided to keep quiet. hais.

nothing much. rehearsal was nice, except dance. its horrible. tml we'll meeting berven at a studio which he rented for us. so sweet. i hope tml is a better day for dance.

CCIS attendance list.
1. Eugene
2. Jeremy - said to be brought but Eugene.
3. Roy - said to be brought but Eugene.
4. Jason - said to be brought but Eugene.
5. Tengyao
6. Izati
7. Jiayu
8. Jennifer?
9. Christina?
10. JieMei
11. LuYi
12. KahMun
13. ShiHui?
14. Lyn?
15. Chin?

list to be cfm.

=D i am so tired.

2006-12-17T00:18:00.000+08:00

tell me i aint crying. sigh.. i thought i said i shouldnt cry today?.. just what happen.... sigh.

did i really changed? i thought it was fine. i thought it was alright. i guess i just thought wrongly. it wasnt what i thought it was. sigh. i dont know .. and i really dont feel to know. i just wanna escape..

2006-12-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

wad can i say .. i feel so empty deep down inside. nothing can be done to it isnt it. the just a cycle. over and over again. nothing inside. hai. it's a black day today! girl in black. hopefully no one can see how empty i am inside. hopefully, the blackness just covers everything. the blackness is enough to cover up. yes, i think it did. i acted well today. well done, jane!

all the secrets that griefs my heart. i wanna live a new life. but it seems so difficult. sigh.
today, dance practise was horrible. i'm really worried for the performance. though some ppl says it look good already, all of us know very well.. that is not the standard to be on stage. totally not there yet. sigh.
and the hours left to performance... is.. 92 hours and25 more mins. we certainly need a miracle.

i dint feel happy today. i wonder why..

2006-12-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

today i had chocolate today! ha. Michele very cute la. wear da santa hatty thing. den go around giving chocolate. so cutee! took a pic of her with us! will upload it somewhere.

after school, i went town alone. why? cause dear sick already. cannot pei me go shopping. den bf act emo. want stay home alone. so i'm alone. haha. went around. shop around. so boring! saw a dress. very sweet looking. went to try. like it alot ah. but too bad, i'm so so broke. =(

2006-12-13T22:48:00.000+08:00

sigh. this is bad. really bad. i dont know why.. but i all i feel now is.. mistrust.. betrayal.. i got no right to feel that way. not at all. it's her personal space and privacy. secret. freedom. whatever. but i just cant believe it. after all.. i told and tells her everything isnt it.. she actually could keep such a BIG THING from me. this isnt fair. isnt a fair bit at all.

ok, in the first place. it may not be true. but how not true can it be.. when someone can tell me something like that. i hate the whole idea of being the last to know. especially if i had regarded u as my real best friend. at least, i thought u were.

sigh.. forget it. i dont wanna know anything else. it's too much for me to take in a night.

anyway, today's dance was horrible. as in really horrible. eileen filmed us down. and gosh, we looked like worms! what happen to all the energy?! sigh. 7 more days to THEDAY and this is all we got. i dont know but LORD, PLS DO SOMETHING! help us!! ahhh!~ *panic*

school is dull. but i feel its hectic somehow. too much to think and handle. i cant.. the whole betrayal thing cant get out of my head!

eh, dint read the bible last night. came home being too tired. at least, all the presents are done! left mt side. by this weekend would be done! ha. finance quite settle. yea, i hope everything will be under control. :(

if u know i am talking about u, pls do come talk to me.. i need a long chat with you. i really thought u were my best friend......

121206

2006-12-11T23:59:00.000+08:00

today, had a bad bad cramp! tengyao was nice. he bought for me panadol. he claimed that he got lots of stares from the ppl working in cheers. ha. anyway, its sweet of him. THANKS TINGTING! =D

school was.. well. nothing special. monday blues i guess.
oh oh. misunderstanding occurred! YC thought that we dint want her along for our 'outing' this friday. but nah, it wasnt true. she thought we dint want to tell her bout it. but actually i dint know bout it too. she isnt the only one. it's just not confirmed so not all of us know bout it. tat's all. i hope nursegang can solve what dispute and conflicts we have among one another asap!

dear called me during my break. wanted to ask her bout it. but i couldnt bring it up. guess i will just write her a letter tml to see how she feel. =) hope she did study today. jiayou!

met ks after school. bought crystal jade (40) for my dinner. he had a bad bad headache! poor boyfriend. i guess he had too much on his mind recently. should get some rest. anyway, good luck for ur debate. i will go for the interpoly if u asked me over. =D

going over to kailing's house tml to prepare the christmas presents. so not settled yet. pray that tml we can get as much done as possible. skipping dance practise tml. =(

scan thru ivy's blog just now. got neoprints of her, jas and mel. *envy* i wanna take pictures with u girls too! ha. but i know i'm always the one pangsehing u girls. SORRY!! ha. but i dont care. BUY-DRESS-day, we go take neoprints! huggies!

that's all. i nidda wash up and read the bible soon. i miss HIS words!

lead me on

2006-12-11T00:31:00.000+08:00

set me free. lead me on .. to where u put me. raise me up and expand my territory. remind me lors, not to forsake the first love. lord, use me. i want to be the light to lead others to u, the salt of the world. lord, show me how and i will follow. set me free now lord. this pain is killing me. its draining me bit by bit. i feel just like a captive. unable to be free. worried bout what will happen.. sigh. lord, set me free. show me the way. and i will go. lord, lead me on. this i pray..